Estelless
by iilaiia
Summary: Chapter 7 fun! or ... not Making choices is often easy, living with them is much harder. Elrond, Elrohir, Elladan and Estel AU, set in the time frame when Aragorn grew up in Rivendell
1. If Only

He couldn't imagine that it would really matter to anyone not in the long run. It wasn't like he had been here that long, not compared to the three or so millennia of his brothers. They would grieve surely but they would still have each other and really that was the whole point anyway. He fixed his eyes on Elrohir, who's pleading, almost feverishly fearful eyes meet his. Estel nodded to him slightly trying to convey everything he was feeling and thinking in just one glance. Most importantly trying to tell him that this was his choice. That he would not be used to cause the death of his adopted family. His choice made, Estel stood defiantly. A slight smile on his face and with his eyes locked on his brother, he stepped backwards.  
  
Elrohir heard screaming and he wasn't entirely sure if it was from his twin or his own voice. He shut his eyes, allowing shock to overtake him completely unwilling to witness his youngest brother's plunge to death. He turned his head away and heard rather than saw his twin and father kill the small band of Orcs that held them. Now, completely unhindered which of course, thought Elrohir, was Estel entire plan. He opened his eyes finally when the screams had faded and saw the tear-stained face that mirrored his own. "Did they hurt you, brother?"  
  
Elrohir stood now, with help from Elladan. He shook his head. "Estel."  
  
Elladan pulled him in close. "I saw. Father is looking for him now."  
  
"We must go help him. Estel could be hurt or-"  
  
Elladan cut him off, "Only if you are truly well."  
  
He began searching his brother for wounds but Elrohir brushed him aside and stared fixedly at the ground. "They we focused on Estel. They never touched me."  
  
Elladan took a deep breath unable to speak words of comfort for he had none himself. "Lean on me then."  
  
Together they set off towards the bottom of the cliff, fearful of what they may find and desperately praying that Estel may still yet live up to his name.  
  
Elrond stood at the base of the cliff watching the small trickle of water flow through it's path. His mind was in turmoil. How he wished he hadn't acted so rashly. It was so unlike him to be lead into this trap and to have forced this issue. He shook his head. It was unbelievable that he had let this happen. And it was equally horrifying what that terrible necessity had made him do. His eyes unfocused as the memory raced back.  
  
He saw the orc holding Elrohir tightly and across the way, right by the cliff-side had been Estel, held in place by the arrow pointed at his neck. Forced to make that terrible choice, forced to choose now between the son he had sworn to take in and protect, and the son he had loved for over 3000 years. For Elrond, the agony wasn't in the choice even, because his heart made that decision instantly, it was in Estel's eyes when he saw his step- father move. Estel's knowledge that Elrond was going to save Elrohir. That he was going to choose his son over his foster son and the slight smile of complete understanding just before taking the choice away from him. Estel had seen it, seen Elrond's fear driven desire to save Elrohir at all costs, even if that meant loosing Estel. So he had done this.  
  
"oh Estel. If only I could have saved you both. If only." Elrond's grief for his failure swept through him now. He was only dimly aware of the twins coming up beside him.  
  
"Father? Is he here?" Elrohir's desperation cut right into Elrond's heart.  
  
"No. I have not found his-him"  
  
Elladan's grip on his brother's arm faltered slightly at the bleak, despair in Elrond's voice. "I will search downstream. Take Elrohir." He handed over his mute and trembling brother and jogged off, following the current. The two remaining elves watched him go.  
  
"There is nothing more we can do. I will take you home, my son."  
  
When Elrohir didn't respond, Elrond bent to study his son's face. What he saw printed there shocked him. Elrohir's expression was of almost unbridled anger, raw fury. The younger elf, abruptly ripped his arm out of Elrond's grip and stalked off back towards Rivendell. Elrond stood still unable to move. He had three sons. One had just raced off on a hopeless mission, one he had let die and the other hated him for it. Elrond slowly started heading back towards his home. He thought again of Elrohir's mask of hatred. Oh yes, he hated him now, but no more than he hated himself. Estel. Estel. Hope, he thought bitterly, really has died with you.  
  
Elrohir had managed to avoid contact with anyone in Rivendell and made it to his bedchamber before collapsing into fits of sobbing. His pain ran so deep that his crying shook his whole body. How he longed for comfort. Comfort from Elladan would be edged with the same grief he felt, comfort from his father-a hard, sudden wave of anger swept over him again. His father, Estel's father, who had let this happen. Who had let him die. Elrohir's anger had faded when he had seen his father's grief at the riverside. Elrond's despair had effected both twins and overwhelmed all other emotions. But now, now Elrohir was free from that bond and here, alone, his grief and his fury were unmatched in strength. Estel was dead. He had died of his choice, that much was clear from his actions but that smile. it haunted him. It was a smile of understanding. The calm expression that so many times he had seen on his face now here in this frozen horror-filled memory. He didn't understand and he needed to know. Elrohir swallowed his fury and tried to bury it deep inside himself. Why had his father moved when he knew Estel's life was in peril if he did? Why had Estel smiled at the knowledge that he was taking his own life? He couldn't go on without answers but before he could even rise to seek out the one being who had them, there was a quiet knock on his door. Elrohir stood completely still as Elrond entered his room.  
  
They stood there, facing each other waiting for the other to speak. The silence stretched on until finally Elrond spoke. "Can you forgive me?"  
  
The anger surged back now and Elrohir clenched his fists at his side. "You dare ask me for that? You DARE-after what you did. You moved, you risked his life!"  
  
"I did worse. I ended his life."  
  
This admission froze Elrohir. He had been thinking it, but really he had expected some type of explanation. He hadn't really taken this to heart until hearing it from his father. His anger faded finally to be replaced with a heavy sorrow. His brother was dead, killed by his own father. Nothing in this world made sense. "Then my answer must be no."  
  
Elrohir turned away. He still needed his answers but he could no longer even face his elder. (For his mind now even refused to call him father) "I have answered your question. You will answer mine now." His voice was hard as rock. If he could have seen the naked pain on Elrond's face, he may have rethought he's actions but Elrohir was so lost in his own suffering that he could think of nothing else. "I must know why. Why did you move when that orc told you not to? Why did Estel. I don't understand. He was trying to tell me something. Trying to get some message through but." Elrohir took in deep breaths trying to hold back his tears. He would not cry here, not with his-not with Elrond at his back.  
  
Slowly, as if trying to force the words from his throat, Elrond began to speak. "It was for you. Move and they shoot Estel, stay still and watch you die. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I couldn't. I didn't. Estel saw this and took away the choice. That's why he smiled. That's why I am truly and completely responsible for his death. And you're right. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I will leave you now. Elladan returns and is coming to you."  
  
Elrohir fought the sobs now until he heard the door close and it became too much for his fragile body to hold back. He collapsed on the floor, great shudders flying over him as his grief engulfed him once more. 


	2. Struggling With Comprehension

Chapter 2 - Struggling With Comprehension  
  
Cold. It surrounded him. As he struggled to understand this sensation another hit him hard and fast. Motion. Estel slowly opened his eyes and was met with resistance. The feeling of movement suddenly increased and his whole body felt as if it was thrown up into the air. He yelped out in surprise when he hit the ground again and pulled in a long, shuttering breath. He was soaking wet. He staggered to his hands and knees, still shaking as the freezing water dripped down his clothes. The river had carried him far downstream. It would be a long walk back to Rivendell. He managed to get his breathing under control and rolled onto his back. Staring up at the sky, Estel unwillingly started to remember what had brought him here in the first place. With horrible suddenness, the images hit him hard and fast.  
  
Elrohir with his eyes tightly shut in pain, trying not to scream.  
  
The flaming hot spike being forced against his brother's back again and again.  
  
The twisted faces of the orcs as they laughed.  
  
The sick, meaty crunch of Elrohir's arm snapping covered immediately by his scream of anguish.  
  
Estel shuttering with apprehension as the mutilated orcs held the knife at his brother's throat and an arrow at his own.  
  
But most of all, the one thought that seemed to be burned in his mind as hot and painful as any torture that could be inflicted was the look of fear on his father's face. That terrible knowledge, that as much as it would grieve him to lose his foster son, to lose Elrohir was certain death.  
  
Estel sat up slowly letting the water puddle around him in the grass. He understood. He really did but it wasn't making the feeling of rejection any less painful. He knew that Elladan and Elrohir had been Elrond's sons for nearly 3000 years more than he. He even knew of Elrond's own tragic history and that he had lost his brother to the ravages of time. All this information he knew and understood but none of it mattered to him at all.  
  
When he had made the decision to jump, he had felt good. He stood firm with the knowledge that he was honoring his family. That he was proving to himself that he was worth something and had some strength in him yet. He hadn't been afraid. He had been so sure of himself, sure that he was doing the right thing. Now, sitting here, as the sun set over the trees, completely drenched, he was loosing that faith. Something stirred in him, a deep buried feeling that he had ignored for years now resurfacing.  
  
He was afraid to go home.  
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Elladan found Elrohir hunched over in his chair with his back turned from the window. The setting sun draped red blood colored light across his back giving him an eerie wounded look. His head hung down but his twin knew he was awake. He was simply radiating suffering, the kind that would have been impossible to keep up under the surrender of sleep. Elladan paused in the doorway. What was he going to say? He knew he brought no good news and there was nothing he could say that would heal the growing rift between his brother and their father. He could sense that despair in Elrond when he had past him moments ago. Then again he had to try.  
  
"'Roh?"  
  
His brother didn't move. Not a good sign. Elladan knelt beside his chair and lifted up his brother's head. Elrohir met his eyes but his were clouded over with bleak depression. He knew that his twin hadn't found Estel. Knew it, or was beyond caring.  
  
Still it was a look Elladan couldn't bare to see. "Do not give up hope, 'Roh. He's out there somewhere and we're going to-"  
  
"Going to what?" Elladan watched with growing dismay as Elrohir features twisted with anger. "Going to what? Elladan? Find him? Find his body? What good will that do? What difference can anything possibly make now?"  
  
Elladan backed away from his twin, shocked at his fury and feeling his own anger slowly destroy his resolve to be gentle. Trying to reach any tiny part of him that may still be able to be reasonable Elladan rationalized, "The difference would be that we would have Estel back."  
  
"You are really so naive." Elrohir said softly, more to himself than for his brother's ears but he had made no attempt to hide his bitterness. Stung, Elladan stopped holding back and he spoke without thinking.  
  
"And you are acting like you wish he was already dead!"  
  
Elladan cursed himself instantly for this statement. This was the last thing he wanted, to accuse Elrohir of not caring but before he could take it back, his twin leapt to his feet, the despair and fury in him giving him speed. "He IS dead! Father killed him! We're you not there? Do you really not remember what happened only a few hours ago? How can you be that blind?!"  
  
His voice echoed off the walls of his room and reverberated in Elladan's head. Dead. Estel is dead. Panic swam in Elladan at the very thought. Estel dead, it wasn't possible. How could it be possible? He found himself staggering back, away from Elrohir and away from those thoughts. No. No, it's not possible. The sun had set and it brought a wave of darkness with it that swept though the room and straight into Elladan's heart.  
  
"No. Estel is alive." Elladan's eyes shone as fire, as if daring his brother to disagree. His stance was rigid now, froze in place, waiting.  
  
The air seemed to stop circulating as both brothers faced each other, for the first time in ages on opposite sides. The darkness of night filled the room with its quiet melancholy and time hung suspended. Finally Elrohir, his anger having faded, slumped back into his chair.  
  
"I wish that were so." He whispered knowing that his despair was creeping up on him again and letting it come. "Whatever will we do without him?"  
  
Elladan felt the cold wall at his back and realized he was across the room. Elrohir didn't seem to even notice. He was absently shaking his head, physically denying everything his brother had said. "No. No 'Roh, your wrong. He's alive. He's alive and I'm going to find him." With those words, Elladan set off on his quest to find Estel, trusting that he had brought his brother some hope. He shut the door with a thump so that his departure would be clearly noted. He needn't have bothered.  
  
Elrohir was no longer listening. 


	3. Frighteningly Obvious

I just have to give a big and loving shout out to my best friend in the whole world without whom this chapter would not exist. So if you want to thank me for writing it go ahead but honestly she's the one who deserves it. You're a goddess. but then again you know that, don't you?  
  
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Estelless  
  
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Chapter 3 - Frighteningly Obvious  
  
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Elrond's grief held him tightly as he walked through his beautiful woods. The sun had long since set and the stars shone like diamonds above him. Elrond took a weary breath, even they could give him no joy tonight. A thin mist hugged the ground as clouds rolling in covering up the once soothing starlight. The forest grew dark. A strong sudden wind blew through the trees swirling the mist at his feet into multiple whirlwinds obscuring his vision. The Lord of Rivendell staggered back, assaulted by the abrupt harsh weather and smashed headlong into someone behind him. The both went down with considerable force. Elrond picked himself up first and then pulled the other elf up onto his feet. They came face and face and Elrond started violently for the face he met staring back at his was his own.  
  
Elrond took a step back as the other elf grinned. "No. This can not be."  
  
The mirror image reached forward and gripped Elrond's shoulders. "It has been a very long time, brother." Elrond felt a tear of joy slide down his cheer. The elf reached forward and brushed the stray tear away. He pulled Elrond into an intense embrace. "I have missed you."  
  
Finally the other broke the moment and backed away slightly. The moon was glowing in the sky and the elf's hair shown like gold. Youth was printed on his features and his eyes were still bright with life. Elrond realized with a jolt that his brother that stood before him was still immortal.  
  
The rational part of his mind started to argue that this could not be. It wasn't possible but this was not a fiction that Elrond would give up willingly. They stood in silence for awhile just gazing up at the clouds and following the moon beams as they broke their way through the sky. Elrond noticed something far off in the distance, something moving fast only barely visible in the dim light. He narrowed his eyes, trying to get a better view but the object was gone as fast as it had appeared. He turned to his brother to see if he had witnessed the same thing but the question died on his tongue.  
  
The other elf wasn't facing him, his head twisted at an odd angle. Elrond grabbed his arm and spun him around. Fear cutting through him like a knife. Elrond's eyes widened at the sight before him. His twin's neck was broken. Snapped clean at the base of his head and his whole stance was angled. His eyes were brighter than ever and they pulsed with an unnatural light.  
  
Elrond could barely look at him. Somehow he found strength to speak. "Elros? What's happened to you?" Elrond reached up a shaking hand to touch his twin's face but froze at his words.  
  
"You did, dear brother. You knew this would happen to me but you refused to help me." The elf continued to smile but now the smile seemed fake, plastered on like a bad painting. His eyes grew colder and younger and his hair shifted into long braids. His voice before had been pleasant and kind, it was now angry and hateful. "You let me die." It was Elrohir's voice.  
  
Elrond recoiled in shock and horror. He reached behind him to find the cool, comforting bark of the grand trees but was met only with open air. He turned and saw the forest was gone. The setting swam lazily into focus. He was in an old room, the edges lined with books and lit by candle light. It had a familiar scent to it. Elrond walked across the faded carpet towards a dark corner far away from the window's chill. He had been here before and something was drawing him closer to the darkness. His foot hit something hard and he found him at a large bed. The figure in the bed moved sluggishly, rolling over to face him. Elrond knew who he was even before he saw his face.  
  
Elros lay, mortal and dying. The room, Elrond now remembered but his thoughts were for Elros alone. The fury came swimming back to him now and the grief. There was so much, so much that he needed to say but when Elrond found his voice he could only seem to murmur his twin's name.  
  
"Elros."  
  
His brother fixed his silver eyes on him. "I am sorry. But you know this is the only way."  
  
Elrond tilted his head. Elros didn't have silver eyes. Trying to shake off the feelings of dread that had crept back into his heart, he forced himself to focus on what his twin was saying. "The only way to do what?"  
  
Elros smiled. It was the same cold eerie smile that he had worn before in the forest those few-hours? days? ago. Elrond couldn't seem to hold on to any notion of time. None of this made any sense, but for some reason the only thing bothering him was Elros' smiling. The smile was grating on his nerves now.  
  
"Why do you look so pleased?" The anger surged up in him now, fury now guiding his words. "You are dying, Elros! Yet this makes you happy? I think that-"  
  
Elros cut him off, still carrying his cruel smile. "I'm not happy about dying... dear brother."  
  
Cold fear fly through Elrond and he froze in place. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a blur of motion, moving too fast to place but much closer now then it had been in the woods. Death was closing in.  
  
In a shaking voice Elrond asked the question he had been holding on to for thousands of years. "Then why did you choose to die?"  
  
Elros's smile finally faded from his face. His expression now was open fear and terrible sadness. His whole body grew smaller, thinner somehow. His face began to blur in and out of focus, snapping in clean for short seconds, sometimes it was Elros' face and sometimes Estel lay there. In a cold, despairing voice that belonged only to Estel, he answered. "I didn't. You choose for me."  
  
With a shock Elrond woke to find himself back in his woods. The mist had vanished as if it never was and the stars shone freely in the night sky. The trees stood tall and proud above him but the dying echo of his dream still reverberated throughout his very soul. With great effort born of intense grief, Elrond regained his feet and began to head back to Rivendell.  
  
There was movement up ahead on the path back. Irrational fear holding him back, Elrond slipped into the deep forest and out of sight of the traveler. The figure seemed unspeakably weary as he limped his way forward towards the glowing Elven refuge. Elrond's hand gripped the tree bark so hard that he drew blood. It was Estel.  
-------------------------------------------------------Okay so as a side note, I really can't seem to get the spacing to work at the top OR the bottom (hence the lines) and it's frustrating the HELL out of me. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas for how to help me out? Thanks a lot for your kind and generous reviews and be patient with me, I have a third story in the works and as you can tell, I'm a slow updater. 


	4. There Is No New Pain

Great big shout out again, check out Golden Slumber. it's on my site while not actually being mine, I'm sorta sponsoring it you might say. It's insane and very depressing but also one of the best (if not THE best) fanfics I have ever read. Yup, she's a goddess alright.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers, you keep me going. Thanks to one in particular who is, how to put this, perhaps TOO obsessed with getting me to update. Well this is for you.  
  
Chapter 4 - There is no new pain  
  
Elladan ran. He had no purpose or direction to his search and now he just ran. The night was closing in around him, added to his newly found depression which for all his efforts, was becoming harder and harder to hold off. He simply refused to give up, as long as he continued to look for his younger brother, then Estel still had a chance of being found. Elladan could think of nothing else. There were truths whispered to him by the night air that he could not face. The second he surrendered to that terrible grief, the instant that he accepted that Estel was not out here to be rescued, was the moment that he failed. He could never let that happen.  
  
So he ran, ran blindly through the woods, heading now unconsciously to the place where this nightmare had begun. The Cliffside loomed before him, black against deep blue. It stood out sharply cut, almost painfully separated from the sky. It was a terrible sight for the son of Elrond to behold. This place held for him a memory that he didn't have in him to relive. Yet here he was, driven here for some buried reason that even he could not fully understand. He knelt on the spot where they had all seen Estel make his final decision, his final refusal to be used against the only family he had ever known. The emotions hit him fast and swept through him like a hurricane. He pressed his hands to the ground, trying with everything in him to hold back the sobs that threatened to overtake him. On his hands and knees now, silhouetted against the starry sky, he finally remembered. A shocking thought, a far distant memory of a time long ago when he had last felt this helpless and this guilty. His mother.  
  
Oh no, he fought against himself but to no avail. It all raced back flooding through him like a great river breaking his will. He saw her beautiful face once calm, lovely now contorted with pain, with fear. Those alien expressions now printed for all time on his beloved mother's face. No, no, no, no. Her anguish burned inside his heart as he watched her struggle to understand what had happened to her. He could still see her inability to face this new horrible truth, her reaction of fear to Elladan's own terror.  
  
They had arrived too late. That single fact repeated in Elladan until he thought it would drive him mad. They had arrived too late because of him. For Elladan all those long years ago had fallen to despair. He had given up. He remembered his mournful words to his twin, how he had told Elrohir that they would not find her. He had spoken of the hopelessness of their quest to rescue her. He had delayed them. This was not a realization to him. He had lived with this guilt every day it was just only now as he felt the same levels of dread and fear that the thoughts had resurfaced. Why was this happening again?  
  
"And why am I so completely unable to prevent it?" As he spoke only to himself, no answer was forthcoming. The blatant frustration rose in him and he smashed his hands into the cool rock. Harder and harder he hit the ground, adding his voice now to the rhythmic pounded as his fury grew. He started to scream, to roar, to cry, anything but give in to the crushing guilt and failure that swam just outside of his vision. His voice gave out suddenly, cracking under the pressure forced upon it. He froze in place. Kneeling on the rock face, his slick blood pooling beneath him dripping from his battered hands.  
  
The raging emotions drained from his body to be replaced by a deathly calm. Grim determination set in and he regained his feet. Banishing all thoughts and clearing out his mind, Elladan stepped forward slowly. He studied the forest and set a path before him. He began to run. The trees seemed to bend to his will as he past. They were silent, the only testament to his hidden grief. Elladan ran on, pledging to himself that night to never give up. He would not let Estel go, he would not fail him like he had failed his mother.  
  
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Elrohir wasn't sure he could move now even if he tried. He was watching the tiny figure below moving towards Rivendell with an unsteady gate. The fear that had clenched his heart was now slowly being replaced with a burning hope, hope that that was the name of the person making his way back home. It was impossible, thought Elrohir, just my mind playing tricks on me. Cruel and twisted tricks like the orcs had played. his mind quickly shut down that avenue of thought. Never again would he think on that horrible day. Yesterday only, yet it felt a million years away. Instead he refocused all his energy on willing Estel to actually BE Estel. The figure rounded the last bend and came into full view. He paused at the entrance way to the glowing city and Elrohir leapt straight up in the air, joy and intense relief giving him strength he did not have. He turned quickly racing for the door.  
  
He made it two steps before the white, hot agony hit him in blinding sheets. He let out a strangled scream of pure anguish and hit the floor hard. His body began to shake as the convulsions tore through him rending his skin from his poorly healed back as he thrashed on the cool stone. His arm twisted at an impossible angle and Elrohir felt that he could take no more pain or he would surely die of it. He curled into a tight ball, trying to breath through the worse of it. Trying to will it away as he had done before. His jaw was sealed tightly and his teeth chattered with each shock. And when Elrohir was starting to think it would never end, he felt soft hands rest on his shoulder and the shutters began to slowly subside. His arm burned with an unnatural fire, a throbbing warning that all was not as it should be with his body but he was regaining control. Slowly he opened his now blood shot eyes and beheld a greater sight then any he could have dreamt of. Estel's worry creased face stared back.  
  
Elrohir smiled broadly ignoring the pain of his back and arm, forcing himself to sit. "Estel" he voiced the name like a prayer. "You live, sweet Valar, you live."  
  
Estel smiled back. Pain and joy fought for ground in his eyes, mirroring his brother's expression. Worry crept back into his face. "You didn't tell them?"  
  
Elrohir struggled to his feet and with Estel's assistance, staggered to his bed. It was then that he noticed Estel's state of being. "Your soaking wet and freezing cold to the touch!" The alarm on Elrohir's face would have been comical had the situation not been what it was.  
  
Estel sighed. "I'm fine. The water broke my-" He stopped short when Elrohir began to shake again, a new set of convulsions setting in. "You are not well. If you will not tell father than I will." Estel stood but froze when Elrohir grabbed his arm with surprising strength.  
  
"You will do no such thing." His eyes were cold and dark, void of emotion. Empty.  
  
Estel felt his heart beating fiercely as if trying to escape from his chest. "I must, I must help you, Elrohir. Father can-"  
  
"NO!" The hatred in Elrohir's voice was shocking to hear. "You will not tell him."  
  
Estel sat down on the bed and held his brother's shoulders down at the violent shutters hit him again. The bed rattled in its place and Elrohir shut his eyes in terrible pain. Estel made one last plea, "please, why wouldn't you let me tell father?"  
  
Through clenched teeth Elrohir forced out his reply. "He is not my father and I don't want him to touch me ever again." The tremors overtook him then and he bit back a cry of pain.  
  
Estel sat, holding on to his shoulders trying to help and not knowing what he was doing. Tears fell from his eyes, splashing upon his arms. He watched over his brother in all but blood and recognized with sudden clarity;  
  
I should not have come back. 


	5. Fleeting Beauty

Sorry this is so short, work is killing me. This should get you through the weekend and in case your wondering, enjoy it now, it's all downhill from here. As always thanks to you all who review (and those who lurk and read), whether I know you exist or not, you all mean the world to me. If you feel like this chapter was too happy, by all means feel free to read Guilt By Association. It's up on my site and is even completed. Enough rambling, onward.  
  
Estelless  
  
Chapter 5 - Fleeting Beauty  
  
Elrond had started to run after the vision of Estel that he had seen. He still wasn't sure if he was even real or just another figment of his own twisted memories. All he knew, was that he had to find out. In fact, he was nearing Imladris when something turned his head. It was a strange feeling laced with familiarity, drawing him away from the city. The sensation grew stronger and stronger until finally Elrond found the source.  
  
The elf was leaning against a tree. His body rippling with tremors from being in the last stages of exhaustion. His whole being radiated with a grief so terrible that to name it would be to end the world. Slowly he slumped over and landed face down on the ground.  
  
It was Elladan.  
  
Elrond quickly pulled him up and rested his head on his knees. His hand traced his son's neck to check his pulse. His heart beat strong and Elrond released the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.  
  
"Elladan? Can you hear me, my son?" He began rubbing the base of his neck, gently bringing him out of his unhealthy state.  
  
Elladan's eyes flickered. "Father?" He whispered, his fingers reflexively gripping Elrond's sleeves.  
  
"Yes, I am here. Can you stand?" Elrond helped Elladan to his feet. His eyes strayed down to Elladan's bloody knuckles and he swallowed hard. A real fear hit him so suddenly as he realized that in choosing to save Elrohir, he may have lost all three of his children. Elrond pushed this sensation down, burying it with all his other sins and aided his son back towards his home.  
  
They made the journey slowly. Elladan didn't speak and leaned on his father for more than just physical support. Elrond hadn't dared to mention seeing Estel last night. Mixed with his vision of his twin and the black whirlwind, he didn't trust his own memory. Still as he watched the sun crest the horizon he was filled with a deep feeling that this nightmare would soon end. There is still hope, he pleaded with himself, Estel could be alive. Oh please, be alive.  
  
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Elrohir had been sleeping for hours as Estel watched the light slowly change and filter in through the windows. Estel sat on the side of his bed, unsure what else to do, knowing he couldn't go get Elrond and partly afraid of what would happen if he did anyway. He was nervous to reveal himself to the household, even to his own family. So he waited in Elrohir's room, watching him sleep, apprehension festered inside him like a disease. For Estel, the dawn brought with it no peace nor reprieve from his suffering. It only brought him closer to having to face that which he was terrified of facing.  
  
"Father?" Elrohir murmured in his sleep and Estel turned slowly. The morning became a dream. Standing in the doorway, bathed in ethereal light stood Elrond and Elladan. Both crying openly, a vision of splendor the likes of which Estel had never before seen. Moved and shocked, Estel leapt up from the bed and ran into his father's waiting arms. He sank down with them as they all fell to their knees. Strength, love, blissful serenity poured out of their beings and into him. For those few moments, time held them close and Estel could sense the very air around him slow it's pace. It wasn't real. It couldn't be, it was too beautiful. 


	6. Full Circle

This is both the second to last chapter in this story and one of the most difficult things I've ever written. Parts of this story are inspired by my own personal muse, beta and otorno, Cowgoddess, you rock. Thank you all who review, once again, it is for you that I write.  
  
Estelless  
  
Chapter 6 - Full Circle  
  
They had all decided to go to breakfast. Estel had woken Elrohir and helped him to the table. Estel had noticed with a slight twitch of nervousness that Elladan had given Elrohir a questioning look. Elrohir had simply shaken his head. Not now, not here. Elrond studied the empty table in front of him, waiting with uneasy patience for the servants to bring them their food.  
  
They ate slowly, in silence. None of them knew what to say and no one wanted to be the first to speak so they simply continued the routine they had known. Every so often Elladan would throw Elrohir a quick glance only to have his twin again refuse to answer. Elladan would then just returned to his own plate and his own thoughts.  
  
Finally it was Elrond who dared to break the silence. "It's good to have you back at this table, Estel."  
  
Estel had tried to smile, really he had. He was frantically trying to think of something to say and later he would think back and wish he had spoken quicker. For while Estel was fumbling for a response, Elrohir murmured under his breathe, "no thanks to you."  
  
Elladan looked up sharply, as if not fully believing what he had just heard. Elrond froze in place. "Elrohir. What did you just say?"  
  
Now given a change to speak. Now asked directly Elrohir felt the pain, the terror of that day fly back to him, lending him wings to his rage and gifting him with power and strength. It was in this fury that he spoke, wrath guiding his words. "You dare speak of it here? You sit there, eating breakfast as if you hadn't done it. As if you hadn't let Estel die yesterday! You think I can forget? You DARE THINK I WOULD PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" Elrohir flew to his feet, shaking, frothing with raw hatred. "You don't deserve to be here! You don't deserve to SPEAK HIS NAME!"  
  
The room was still. The sunlight glittering as fire in Elrohir's eyes as he trembled and suddenly the convulsions overtook him again. He hit the table with a loud, violent crack. He clenched his jaw closed and gripped Elladan's arm who had flung himself across the room to try to aid his brother. Elrond was also at his side in an instant looking to his elder son for an explanation. Elladan shook his head frenetically, fear flashing in his eyes. Elrond's practiced hands searched Elrohir's body for signs of his ailment. He paused on his back when his son let out a hiss of pain. Alarmed, Elrond gently pealed back Elrohir's shirt to see beneath it livid red welts, newly ripped open and bleeding freely. Elrond continued his soft probing and again paused this time at his son's twisted arm. Elrond swallowed hard. "Estel?"  
  
In a quiet voice, he answered. "I'm here. I'm right behind you. Is Elrohir going to be-"  
  
"Did you know about this? Did you know what they did to him?" Elrond's voice was tinted with worry and even worse, recrimination. "Estel? Why didn't you tell us?"  
  
Estel felt a shutter go through him, something beyond fear, beyond guilt. It was truth. Perfect, total truth. And suddenly, there was nothing he could say. He had no reason, no excuse. He stood there, watching his father, his brothers in their pain, knowing with absolute certainty that it was his fault.  
  
Elrohir rocked the whole table with his agonized seizures. His body cutting the beams of sunlight into thousands of fractures, tearing away Estel's emotions one by one. Grief, fear, hope, love, anger, all his once valued and meaningful expressions of his inner being, lost now, violently shredded by his own act of treachery.  
  
They had tried at a new start. The idea was to meet the new day together as a family. To try to put the deeds of yesterday behind them all and to remember what it was to enjoy each other's company. But that was before. Before Elrond's betrayal. Before Elrohir's hate. Before Elladan's guilt. Before Estel's own growing insanity.  
  
The sunlight was flooding Estel's eyes. It bounced off the table, directly into his line of sight. His plate shimmered with it, like the stars on a clear night. The refracted light came crashing through him and pierced a line straight to the back of his head. It hurt so much that Estel could barely move with the agony of it. With a massive effort he turned his neck, angling his head away from the burning line and felt relief the second his eyes entered the shadows.  
  
It was then that the real despair hit him. Not the quiet sadness he felt before or the fear of watching his brother suffer, this was different. This was heavy, it filled his stomach and weighed him down. The sunlight was painful. His family was in ruins. And it was all because he had survived the night. It was because he had come back to a home that neither needed nor wanted him and now he was witness to that destruction. His brothers were screaming because he was here. His father was crying because he was here.  
  
Estel turned slowly, all his abilities to feel gone now with that realization. In their place, Estel felt a deep void. His back now to his former family, he made his way out of the dinning room. He moved as if in a dream, a nightmare where even the air is hard to push against when trying to walk. To his left now were stairs, leading up to the towers overlooking the great courtyard. The fresh, clean air floated down the stairwell and Estel allowed himself to remember what it was like to love the scent of flowers carried on the morning breeze. How wonderful that had been, back before any of this. He closed his eyes, as a cold smile tugged at his mouth. There are always answers. He began to climb the tower stairs.  
  
************************************  
  
The second Elrohir had started convulsing, Elrond had moved. Elladan reached him first, but they both supported his shaking body. Elrond saw that Elladan had no answers for him so he turned to his other son, the one that had been with Elrohir when the orcs had first captured them both. Elrond fought down a surge of fear at that thought, he knew at this moment he could not allow himself that emotion. He had to focus. "Estel?"  
  
Elrond had not expected to hear his voice pitched so low, so soft. "I'm here, I'm right behind you. Is Elrohir going to be-"  
  
Elrond cut him off. He couldn't stand to hear the grief in his voice but he had to know. "Did you know about this? Did you know what they did to him?" He was met with silence. Elrond could no longer hold back his thoughts, they came unbidden, racing throughout him bringing despair in its wake.  
  
'Oh please, please Estel, tell me you didn't have to carry this alone. Oh sweet Valar, why didn't you let me help you? I could have helped you both. I should have known.'  
  
"Estel? Why didn't you tell us?"  
  
'Why couldn't you tell me?'  
  
Time came sprinting back to him as both Elrohir and Elladan let out joined screams of pain and blinding fear. Elrond refocused his attention on his anguished children. He gripped Elladan's shoulder, trying to pull him out of his bond with his twin. "Elladan! I need you now!"  
  
Almost instantly, Elladan pulled himself out of his twin's touch, although the tightening of his face, was strong proof that his connection with Elrohir could never be fully severed. Each time Elrohir would clench up, his pain was echoed on his twin's face. Desperation played across Elladan's features now as Elrohir's shudders became more violent. He looked straight into his father's eyes. "Tell me what to do."  
  
"Run to my study, Elladan. Run and gather my herbs. I must calm down your brother." Elladan took off like an arrow. Leaving his brother and father alone in the sun-filled room.  
  
Elrond knew that Elrohir's affliction was not a cause of any orc-induced torment, at least, not directly. He was doing this to himself, his own fears and hatred was literally eating him from inside. He had seen it before in many elves he had rescued from the clutches of orc imprisonment and now he was seeing it again on the face of his own child. Taking a breath to steady himself, he put his hands on the sides of Elrohir's face. Only to have them slapped back with ferocious urgency.  
  
"Do not touch me." Elrohir's voice was harsh and grating. His words spoken through a haze of pain.  
  
Elrond felt the tears that were falling from his eyes begin to dry up. His self-induced calm finally snapping into place. He stepped away from the table and clasped his arms behind his back so that Elrohir would not see them shaking. He had done this before, just never with a member of his own family and never before when the cause of the ailment had been so thoroughly his fault.  
  
"Alright. Can I ask you a question then?" Elrond's voice was low, soothing, almost rhythmical. He was trying to get Elrohir to relax. To focus on something other than his own terrible pain. When there was no answer, Elrond plunged onward, fearful to do so, terrified not to. "Will you ever love me as a father again?"  
  
The question hung in the air between the two of them. Elrohir's shuddering lessened somewhat and he rolled over, turning away from the elder elf. His blood dripped down his back as the tears on Elrond's face had. "No."  
  
His body grew stiller and slowly he continued to speak. "How could I? How can I live with what you've done? How could I look upon your face and not see that choice printed in your eyes? How could I ever talk with you again and not hear the knowledge that you choose me over him? How could I ever live with that?" Elrohir's voice began to rise in pitch becoming more and more hysterical. "How could I live with myself? I see you, I see the choice that I forced from you! I see your grief. I remember how you acted when I didn't and I hate you for it. I hate it! Why didn't I move? Why could I do nothing? I let him die and you tried to save us! I did nothing! Nothing! Nothing!" His words were overwhelmed now by his sobbing.  
  
Elrond felt a great surge of relief followed tightly by panic. He hurried over to his son's huddled, miserable mass and pulled his body in close. He held him tightly in his arms, mindful of his wounds and slowly rocked him back and forth. "It wasn't your fault my son. No blame lies with you."  
  
Elrohir, safe in his father's embrace, wept for his brothers whom he loved so dearly. He wept for himself, for his anguish. However largely he wept for the one he had hurt the most. "I'm so sorry. I'm so-"  
  
"Stop, stop please." Elrond's tears were also falling freely as he begged his son to end his guilt. He just pulled him tighter. "You have nothing to be sorry for."  
  
Elrohir hugged back. "I love you father."  
  
Elrond's heart filled with a joy he had thought he would never feel again. 'Oh thank you, thank you.' He lightened his grip on his son and bore deeply into his eyes. "I have loved you from the moment you were born and I our love will endure beyond the end of time." He broke eye contact and turned his head to meet the frozen stare of Elladan who stood motionless in the doorway. "Our love will not fade. You are my sons."  
  
Elladan seemed to break out of his paralysis at this and he too joined the embrace. Elrohir smiled up at him and for the first time since the entire nightmare had begun, Elladan smiled back.  
  
*************************************************  
  
That heavenly breeze guided Estel up to the very top of the tower. The birds sang of the beauty and wonder that was spring but Estel could not hear their joy for he had lost his own. His heart felt as if it had stopped beating. He reached the top of the battlement and looked out over the glorious kingdom of Imladris, the only home he had ever known. The glow from the surrounding towers and the white light of the sun burned in him. Somehow the world seemed to be spinning without moving. There was a blackness here that he couldn't quite see. It was his future and it was nothingness. The void called to him, to embrace the darkness, to put an end to it all.  
  
Estel took another step forward, balanced now on the edge of the tower. He swayed slightly at the staggering height. It was within his power. He could do this. One more step and it would be over, it would be done. Below him lay the gardens of Rivendell, clothed in flowers, a rainbow of colors. Estel closed his eyes and pictured himself inside that rainbow, unfettered by the demands and trials of this world. To know such peace would be bliss.  
  
His eyes flew open as something roused in him. An emotion that had not yet been completely decimated cut through his heart and straight into his soul. Doubt. Was this truly the right thing to do? Was he thinking again only of himself and not of those that mattered more? What of his brothers and his father whom he loved still with a passion beyond all else? Estel shook his head as the image of his family flew back into his mind. They were in pain due to his return. That had been when it had all started, after all. This choice, his decision to jump would bring them grief, surely, but it would also give them back the joy he'd taken away. He closed his eyes, seeing more than just darkness, ready to surrender to it when his brother's screams reached his ears. He snapped his eyes open again, but as quickly as the sound had been there, it was gone again. The sounds of the day returned and Estel remembered his purpose.  
  
Estel spread his arms slightly, letting the wind blow through him, prickling up his skin. It was a nice sensation and so he allowed himself a few last moments of simple pleasures. The young human stood there, cresting the top of the tower which overlooked the most beautiful gardens in all the lands and felt no joy in their spectacle. He was bathed in radiant, golden sunlight and no longer took comfort from its warmth. For the first time in his life, Estel only felt one thing. The desire to die.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
"What happened to your back?" Elrond's voice was steady though his face still bore his tears. Elrond and Elladan gently removed Elrohir's shirt and began the process of bandaging his wounds.  
  
"The orcs were bored. They had a piece of metal that they had heated in the fire." Elrohir paused, trying to rid the memory from his mind. Finding that he could not, he finished simply, "they were bored, I was their amusement. It's the same with my arm."  
  
Elladan snarled low in his throat but said nothing. Elrond frowned and caressed Elrohir's face with his hand. "I am sorry we didn't get there sooner."  
  
Elladan froze. His hands still on his brother's wounded back. His breath shortened abruptly, almost to panicked intakes.  
  
"Elladan?" Elrohir rolled over slightly to look his twin in the face. "What's wrong? What is it?"  
  
"It's my fault. I knew it in the woods, but I didn't really get it until right now." Elladan's voice was quiet, like he was talking to himself.  
  
Elrond and Elrohir exchanged confused glances. Elrohir tried again to reach his twin. "Dan, what are you talking about?"  
  
Elladan backed away from them suddenly dropping the rolls of gauze to the floor. He crossed the entire room until his back hit the wall and there he stood, rooted to the spot, staring in horror at his family. "I tried not to. I didn't want to."  
  
Elrond approached him slowly, hands at his sides, unassuming. "Elladan. Listen to me." He spoke with such great conviction that Elladan's head raised to meet his father's eyes. "You acted in the only way you could, as did I. We both tried our best to save-"  
  
Elladan was done listening. "I got there too late! Don't you see? It was because of me that we arrived too late and it was because of me that you couldn't save her. It was because of me that she left."  
  
Elrohir took a shocked breath at that and arose from the table to join them. "Oh sweet Valar, oh no, Elladan no."  
  
Elrond's eyes hardened. "No Elladan. You must listen to you brother. You must listen to me now. Celebrian's departure had nothing to do with you. She loved you so much. She waits for you still." Elrond closed his eyes at the horrific memory. "And it wouldn't have mattered when you got there."  
  
Elladan studied his father's face. Tears ran freely down his cheeks and his lips trembled from the knowledge of that terrible truth. Sudden insight struck Elladan then and after a shared look of sorrow with his twin, he pressed his forehead lightly against Elrond's. "She had decided to leave long before the orcs had taken her, hadn't she?"  
  
Elrond shuddered slightly and nodded. "I never wanted to tell you. I thought it would break your hearts as it broke mine but the guilt you've been carrying is much worse."  
  
"Thank you." Elrohir's voice was soft yet strong. "Thank you for telling us."  
  
Elladan smiled sadly. "Thank you for staying."  
  
He had told Celebrian that the twins would never know of her decision. He had sworn it to her and now he had gone back on his word, something he had never done before. He felt sure she would have allowed for it, had she seen the grief in her son as he had.  
  
He had been there when Elrohir had pledged to see her again and watched with no surprise when Elladan refused to make the same oath. It was then that he had realized just how much his sons reminded him of his own beloved twin and it was during that moment that he had suddenly known that Elrohir and Elladan would never see their mother again. They would choose Elros' path, he was sure of it and whereas Elros' choice had filled him with dread, his son's choice filled him with pride. So while he had broken his word to his wife and Elrohir was to break his word to his mother, for some reason, it felt right.  
  
The three elves sat in silence for a moment, basking in the grace of their love. Finally Elrond turned and guided Elrohir to a large chair. Elladan came up on the side of it and looked questioningly at his father.  
  
Elrond sighed. "Elrohir, there is something else you should know." This was going to be hard. "Your arm has healed yet healed incorrectly. I must- " Elrond flicked his eyes to Elladan and then back to Elrohir. "I must re- break it to set it properly."  
  
Surprisingly Elrohir looked calm. He sighed deeply then placed his broken arm up on the chair's armrest and gripped his brother's hand with his other. "It's alright. I trust you."  
  
Elrond did not reply. With one swift motion he snapped Elrohir's arm cleanly. The sharp crack resounded throughout the hall, followed by both twin's scream of pain to resolve finally into a hushed heavy breathing. Elrond splinted the newly broken arm and wiped the sweat away from his son's brow.  
  
"I'm sorry. It had to be done."  
  
Elrohir didn't smile but his voice held no menace. "I know."  
  
Elrond grimaced. That had been one of the hardest things he'd learned about being a healer. Most of the time for wounds to heal, they had to hurt. It was something he tried to spare his patients but it was something he was desperate to spare his children. Still no matter how hard he tried, in that regard he always failed.  
  
Elladan was already helping Elrohir to his feet, a strange, new look of urgency on both their faces. Elrond waved at them to wait, he was about to lecture to them about needing rest when he finally caught sensation that they had felt. Trepidation flew through him wildly.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
The twins shook their heads slightly. Elladan voiced their concern. "He could be anywhere. I don't know. Oh father, I can't believe we let him go like that. I wasn't thinking straight."  
  
Elrohir stumbled and was pulled back onto his feet by his father. "I was so absorbed in my hatred-"  
  
Elrond cut them off. "None of that matters now." He leaned his head to the side slightly, like he was listening to a distant voice. "This way. Elladan aid your brother. Quickly."  
  
The three tore up the tower stairs, anxiety digging into them. All they knew was that they had to get to him as fast as they could without knowing why. The despair they had felt from Estel had suddenly fled and in it's wake, there was nothing. 


	7. Thunder and Rain

I'm back, or at least for a bit. My summer was insane and filled with ups and downs the likes of which no one should have to experience. I had hoped this would be the last chapter as I have three other stories in the works and of course the next chapter of Target Practice which is also coming quite soon however there will be one more chapter after this is seems. That's just the way it happened apparently. I have no control. hee hee  
  
As always thanks for reading and thank you for your continuing support even in the face of my slowness.  
  
Estelless  
  
Chapter 7 - Thunder and Rain  
  
There was a sound of thunder, distant and low. As the three elves raced up the stairs, the air around them grew damp and heavy. Rain would come soon. They broke out upon the parapet and were met with the sight of Estel, standing quite still with his back to them. Elladan went forward to pull his little brother back but froze in place when he heard his soft voice.  
  
"Do not approach me." Estel's words were spoken quietly but with a powerful anger. It was a emotion almost entirely foreign to him, now flooding his heart as he drowned in it. "I mean to do this, I would ask you all to leave so as not to witness this again."  
  
"What?" The startled voices of the twins cut through the rumbling and they both looked to their father in synchronicity.  
  
Elrond seemed completely calm. His face was schooled into the prefect bland expression. His hands hung loosely at his sides and his stance was relaxed. It was a absolute façade. He was in fact, rigid with terror and at a incredible loss at what to do. He slowly pulled his twin sons back behind him and they moved without argument. The terror was spreading like wildfire. He could feel the twins agitation shift violently into intense fear. He had to do something now.  
  
"Estel, I beg you to listen-"  
  
Fury lit up in Estel then as he cut off Elrond. His words tasted like burnt ashes in his mouth. "No. I will not."  
  
Elrond could hear the void in his youngest son's tone. The finality of it. How could I have let this happen? Guilt twisted in Elrond at his son's declaration to end his life. How could I have failed to see this coming? Estel's voice continued, soft yet strong over the rumbling thunder. "Nothing you can say will change the facts of what happened. Nothing will change what occurred because of us all. It is as undeniable and unavoidable as death itself."  
  
Elrond felt the heat of his sons burning behind him and cold nothingness from Estel before him. A chilling feeling swept over him then, it washed through his body freezing his limbs and holding his will immobile. It was the sudden awareness of what Estel was really talking about. Elrond's choice, the choice he had made one night ago and a thousand lifetimes ago. He turned to witness Elrohir, his thin frame shaking violently as Elladan held him tightly. Elrond met their eyes and saw their fear, felt it go through him mixing with his own. As he stood there, just taking in all that he treasured in life, he saw something else. This new sensation flamed up from deep inside them both and lit Elrond's heart like a torch. It burned throughout him, filling him with strength and most importantly, hope. To have hope again, it gave him joy beyond his imagination. The fiery emotion, gifted to him from his children was love. Whole, pure, unconditional love. An understanding between them that no matter what happened, their love would endure. It was with that spark of conviction that Elrond turned to the third and most suffering member of his family and projected his love with every fiber in his being.  
  
"Estel, I must tell you, you must hear my words-"  
  
Again Estel's panic-laced voice cut him off, roaring in time with the thunder claps. "NO! Don't you see, I can't. I mustn't!" Lightening suddenly stuck, flashing white light into their eyes. Estel jumped in fright and slipped forward. Hot terror hit him fast and he struggled for a foothold. His arms flaying he turned himself, spinning out of control, all balance lost. His instinctual fear melting away at the sight of his beloved brothers clutching each other. He saw Elrohir's arm in his sling, his body trembling as he all but hid in his twin's embrace. Elladan holding him tightly, shaking himself, tied to his sibling's emotions irrevocably for all time. Their misery brought Estel back to his original purpose. His steely resolve set in once more.  
  
His eyes shifted to his father then as his footing entirely failed and he began his plunge backwards off the edge. What he saw in his father destroyed it all.  
  
Elrond was racing towards him, eyes wide with emotion, every mussel in his body bent solely on getting to his son in time. His face was a frightening mix of terror, hatred and love. It was the exact expression Estel had seen that one night before. Then directed at Elrohir, now exclusively for him.  
  
Unfortunately, it was entirely too late. Elrond couldn't possibly get to him on time so he would fall to his death as he should have the night before. At least, thought Estel, I know he loves me.  
  
The thought wasn't enough to make him smile given his circumstance, but it was enough to still the fear in him. He closed his eyes as the falling sensation raced through him and sent his mind back into the past. A past filled with memories of love, of joy, of laughter and of belonging. Wonderful, blissful belonging. All he had every wanted was to be a part of this family. With the sweet knowledge of his father's love he was complete. He held that memory close, intertwined in the feeling as he hit the surface. It was a sudden, wrenching jolt although the ground felt soft beneath him. His head felt heavy and he swam in and out of darkness. Sometimes deep shadows of forms would appear before him and other times he could see nothing at all.  
  
Is this death? The soothing blackness filled his vision. Are my eyes even open? He heard sounds, voices perhaps, far off building in volume ever so slowly. He didn't move. Do I still have a body? Something warm fell on his forehead. Water. He heard thunder crashing far above him. Rain? It was raining? The drops fell slowly, slipping gently down the side of his face. Why is it only raining on my face?  
  
The world was getting lighter and he realized he was blinking. The voiced come again. Louder now, over the thunder. Was it thunder?  
  
"Open your eyes. Please Estel, you can do it."  
  
That sounded like-  
  
"Elladan?" Estel's voice was harsh and grating. He struggled to open his eyes and the dark form which loomed over him began to take shape. His vision cleared. Elladan bent over him, tears falling freely from his bright eyes.  
  
"Yes Estel. Yes it's me. Thank the Valar." Elladan shifted his attention to something just over and past Estel then. He locked eyes with another giving a nod, then closing his eyes briefly and nodding in return. Finally he refocused on Estel. "Can you move? We should try to get you both inside."  
  
Estel's silver eyes shown in humble confusion. "Us both?"  
  
Elladan shot a troubled look over his form again. Estel tried to turn his body, now desperate to see who Elladan was looking at but found that he couldn't move very far. He was laying on top of someone he realized with a start. Elladan helped him roll over onto the ground and Estel looked around for the first time.  
  
He was not in fact, on the garden floor, that was still many levels below them. He was sitting on one of the lower towers that also over looked the flowers. Elladan held his back, supporting him, his eyes locked on his twin. Estel turned his head. Elrohir knelt across from him, holding Elrond's head in his hands. Their father lay unconscious before them all on the cold stone parapet. 


End file.
